Most of our suffering doesn’t come from pain itself— it comes from how much we resist it, how much we fear it, how much we make it wrong. The more we try to suppress, distract, or run, the stronger it becomes. Avoidance keeps the nervous system on high alert, reinforcing the belief that we are unsafe.
But when we stop resisting—when we allow ourselves to feel, to listen, to move toward what we fear—something shifts. The body receives the most powerful safety signal there is: I am okay to feel this. And in that moment, the nervous system no longer needs to fight, flee, or freeze. It settles. It heals.
So much of what we call chronic illness, anxiety, and suffering is simply stuck energy—unfelt emotions, unmet parts of ourselves waiting for acknowledgment. When we stop running and start feeling, we open the door to healing. This isn’t just philosophy; it’s biology. Safety, not avoidance, is what allows the body to repair.
How to Stop Avoiding and Start Healing
Avoidance often happens unconsciously. We don’t realize we’re doing it because distraction has become second nature. But healing starts with awareness. Here are three steps to help you break the cycle:
1. Notice When You Are Escaping
The first step is awareness. Pay attention to how you avoid discomfort. Do you find yourself endlessly scrolling on social media? Reaching for alcohol or food when emotions arise? Keeping yourself constantly busy? These are common ways we escape from what we don’t want to feel. Start noticing your patterns without judgment—just observe.
2. Ask Yourself: What Am I Avoiding?
Once you recognize your avoidance habits, pause and ask: What am I trying not to feel? What emotions or sensations come up when you remove the distractions? Fear? Grief? Loneliness? Often, we avoid sitting with ourselves because we’re afraid of what we might find. But avoidance only strengthens the nervous system’s belief that these feelings are dangerous. Instead, acknowledge them with curiosity and compassion.
3. Sit With It—Feel It in Your Body
Emotions don’t just exist in the mind; they live in the body. When you stop avoiding, take a moment to tune in. Where do you feel tension? Tightness? Pressure? Instead of analyzing it, just be with it. Breathe into it. Let it move through you. When we do this, we show our nervous system that we are safe. And safety is the foundation of true healing.
Creating Safety is the Ultimate Health Hack
Without a sense of safety, we stay stuck in fight-or-flight mode, making us more susceptible to sickness and disease. Healing the nervous system by feeling—rather than avoiding—is one of the most important steps toward health. The nervous system controls every system in the body. When it feels safe, everything else—digestion, immunity, hormones—can function properly.
Feeling is not the enemy. Feeling is the way home. Feeling is healing.
